


Unpleasantly Pleasant Diversions

by cynicalwerewolf



Series: Snapshots of a Non-Existant Life [3]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 15:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalwerewolf/pseuds/cynicalwerewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or possibly the other way around...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Miles glared at the offensively empty inbox on his study comconsole. He and Duv had had a spectacular argument last night. In public. And Gregor was _not cooperating_. He had nothing to do! And he had an appointment with his seizure stimulator tonight, so he couldn’t use the Old Vor solution.

There was a polite knock and Pym entered. He looked up hopefully. The armsman’s expression was not promising. “M’lord. Lord Richars is here to see you.”

He couldn’t hold back a grimace. But…as his father’s appointed Voice and voting deputy, he supposed he should see the man. No matter how personally disagreeable Miles found him. He said, “Show him to the ground floor study.”

“Yes, m’lord.” Pym ghosted away. Miles glanced at the comconsole inbox in a faint hope that something urgent had come up. Still empty. He scratched the kitten sitting on the corner of his desk under the chin, then went off, trying to school himself into a blandness equal to Pym’s.

Lord Richars was obviously impatient with even the short delay. He complained about even having to go through this whole business. Miles wasn’t really paying any attention to that. He was coming up with plans to make things up to Duv. Unfortunately, the best plans he could come up with involved things he was expressly forbidden to do under orders from Gregor on behalf of Allegre and the rest of the General Staff. Until Richars accused Ivan of homosexuality, with what the man obviously thought was subtlety.

He arched an eyebrow at Richars, and said, “You appear to have some inconsistency in your argument. If you’re arguing that Lord Dono is a woman, Ivan cannot be homosexual.”

“I believe confusion runs in your family, Lord Vorkosigan,” an incredibly smug smile on his face. Miles wanted to wipe it off. Unfortunately, pragmatics intervened…

Miles suppressed a sigh. He had been expecting this dig sooner or later. “Ivan certainly isn’t confused about those matters. And neither am I, anymore. As all Vorbarr Sultana knows by now, even if most of them are polite enough to not mention it.”

“That’s not what I heard,” Richars said, with attempted slyness. “I hear you’re having a bit on the side with Lord Auditor Vorthys’s widowed niece, and that Komarran found out.” That wasn’t exactly a new course of attack, for all that Richars appeared to think it was. For all that Madame Vorsoisson spent time with Miles and Byerly Vorrutyer because they were, from her perspective, safe men, there were a number of unsavory rumors spreading.

Preparing to stand, Miles said, “First, my relationships with Duv and Madame Vorsoisson are none of your business. Second, I don’t feel that you have any grounds to accuse anyone of improper relationships-“

Before he could finish the statement, Richars had leaped across the table and shoved Miles into the back of his chair. With his legs spread on either side of Miles’s. Idiot.

Miles lifted one leg quickly, then when Richars went to bend over, stood on the chair, lifting him by the collar while Pym burst in. “Let me inform you of something, Lord Richars. I will not be charging you with treason for laying hands on the Emperor’s Chosen Voice. However, this will be reported. Try anything, and you will find yourself in the ImpSec cells. Do I make myself clear?” He dropped the other man into Pym’s waiting arms. “Lord Richars was just leaving, Armsman Pym. Would you please show him to the gate?”

“Yes, m’lord,” Pym said grimly. He- dragged was a more proper verb than escorted, walked, or carried- Richars out.

Watching them go, Miles puzzled over Richars’s reaction. He had been going to finish the sentence with a comment on the Vorrutyer family tendency for atypical relationships. Virtually any other Barrayaran would have assumed that ending. But Richars had seemed to think he was going to accuse him of homosexuality. Or-

He jumped down from the chair. He needed to call the Municipal Guard. Then Duv. Then Gregor, General Allegre, Lords Dono and Byerly Vorrutyer. Madame Vorsoisson as well, if he had read the conversation correctly. 

As Miles made his way to the comconsole, he found himself whistling. Even if some of the aspects were unpleasant, he had found something to do. And he might end up taking down Richars soon, which would satisfy more than him.


	2. Friendly Discussion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A necessary bridge for the first and third parts. Warning: Discussion of Richars Vorrutyer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I had more of this particular arc in me, but a comment on _Linguistic Exercise_ inspired a third chapter, which inspired this bridge. Because Miles can't do _anything_ simply.

As Szabo drove Byerly and him (and Dono still had a hard time not cackling with glee at the fact that he was now male) down the path from the gate to Vorkosigan House’s garage, Dono wondered what Miles wanted to see them about. The only thing Miles had said on the comconsole was that it was urgent and about Richars. The fact that Miles had seemed oddly cheerful and yet utterly pissed off at the same time only added to the puzzle.

When he’d asked Olivia about it, she’d only rolled her eyes before saying he’d better get over to Vorkosigan House before Miles exploded. From her expression, that wasn’t a joke.

There were four groundcars and a lightflyer in the garage already. One of the groundcars was the Vorkosigan’s armored behemoth and he _thought_ the lightflyer was Miles’s (Lord Vorkosigan and Lady Donna hadn’t moved in the same circles), but the other two were unknown factors. Both were exceedingly non-descript, so one probably belonged to the Count and Countess.

Szabo parked, and the first thing By did was look for the registry plates on one of the non-descript grey cars. Moving to pace Dono, he whispered, “That one’s Duv Galeni’s ride. I wouldn’t have thought he and Miles would have patched things up yet.”

Dono shrugged, before asking, “I’ve only heard the rumors. Just how bad was their…disagreement?”

“If they’d been any other men, they’d probably have come to blows by the end of it. As it was, they cleared half the dining-room while they were either shouting at each other or trying to create an ice age,” By muttered the last under his breath, but Dono had always had good hearing.

He frowned, “If the argument was that heated, why wasn’t the entire room cleared? And you sound like you’re talking from personal experience.”

“Mostly because we’d have had to go past them to leave,” By’s answer confirmed that he had been there. Dono wanted to ask why, but knew better. For all Byerly’s chatter, his cousin usually didn’t say anything substantial. He’d figure out why eventually.

Szabo was the only armsman Dono had brought with them, and he escorted the two Vorrutyers to the front door, which opened as soon as they reached it. Armsman Pym then escorted Byerly and Dono up to the second floor sitting room and left them with a brief, “Lord Vorkosigan will be in to see you shortly.” He then glided out, expertly avoiding the pair of kittens playing pounce and chase games in the hall.

Dono looked around the room. Whoever had decorated it had good taste. There was some traditional Barrayaran artwork, both prints and statuary, but there was also an equal number of more modern works of eclectic origin. The furniture was all comfortable, if rather old fashioned. All in all, it was an interesting room.

Only a minute after the armsman left, Miles entered the room in a flurry of printouts. From what Dono could see, Miles hadn’t been able to see a kitten that had been standing in front of the door and tripped over it as he entered the room. When Dono began to stand up so he could help, he was immediately waved down.

Miles spent another two minutes fighting the kitten for various flimsies. He was swearing by the time he finally got everything picked up and himself into the room. As they watched Miles seat himself, By asked, “Have you made up with Duv yet?”

“No,” Miles answered. “I haven’t had the time and I haven’t seen him since we argued. I tried to call him at his office, but he’d taken the day off. Why?”

“His car’s here,” By explained.

Miles’s lips thinned, but he shrugged and said, “He likes to catalogue the attics. Not that it would do much good for me to go up there now, but thank you for telling me.”

“Your armsmen wouldn’t tell you?” Dono asked.

“No,” Miles said, “He has an open invitation to Vorkosigan House.”

Unstated was that if their argument had been as bad as it appeared, Duv would probably have decapitated Miles for intruding, and Miles might not have been able to resist intruding if he’d known Duv was there. At least not without some other problem to take his mind off his relationship difficulties.

It amused Dono that _he_ was the solution to relationship difficulties, if only as a temporary distraction. This was _quite_ the new experience.

Making certain that his face didn’t show his internal amusement, Dono asked, “So, what did you want to discuss? I thought you were staying out of the Vorrutyer succession and your father was letting you.”

“I _was_ , at least until your cousin Richars came to pay me a visit. I decided to involve myself very quickly.” Miles looked up from his flimsies and his eyes were gentle and so discerning that it felt like a laser-cannon was meeting Dono’s gaze. He tried not to fidget.

After a brief moment, Miles turned his gaze on By, with much the same result. Finally, he said, “I have a few suspicions about your relationships with Richars Vorrutyer, and the actions that lead to the current state of affairs. I’m not looking for confirmation of these suspicions, but about his…likely course of action.”

Miles took a deep breath, “If Richars were to feel threatened in any way, particularly by someone who he felt to be an inferior who he nevertheless couldn’t physically intimidate, what would his likely course of action be?”

Dono could fill in the blanks as to Richars’s actions and prayed that he hadn’t done anything except _physically_ assault Miles. While Miles had a great deal more training than either the fifteen year old By or twelve year old Donna, he was still, well, _small_.

No, Miles didn’t look battered, just hyperactively annoyed. Also, if there had been…something else…Dono suspected that Richars wouldn’t have been given the opportunity to take revenge. With that in mind, he answered, “His first reaction would be to discredit the source of his humiliation in the eyes of their closest companions, especially in a way that would allow him future access to his victim. If he was unable to do that…”

Dono lifted an open hand towards By, passing the obligation to respond to his cousin.

With usually unseen reluctance, By first muttered, “I am _far_ too sober for this.” Before Miles could say anything, By continued, “Richars has never been the most…stable of personalities. And I’m afraid that Lord Dono’s recent rebirth has unbalanced him further. I feel he has gotten to the point of direct removal of threats to his plans in a most public way.”

Miles arched an eyebrow at By, who winced before saying, “Very well, I _know_ he has gotten to that point. Satisfied?”

“For now,” Miles answered. Dono gave his cousin a Look, causing By to wince again.

But Miles had risen to his feet and was headed for the door. Dono asked, “What are you doing?”

“Having Pym get Duv down here. I’m not going to lose him because I’ve decided to hide things for his own good. Especially not after last night. And then,” Miles turned around and gave By a most Auditorial look, “We are all going to discuss Richars’s plans, and the best way to blow them up.”

By muttered, “We are?”

Even though Dono knew his cousin had been hiding Richars’s plans from him, he felt the same apprehension.


	3. I Thought You Should Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gregor gets a late night call...

Calls in the middle of the night are rarely good news for anyone. And when you’re an Emperor good news is rarer at any time and middle of the night calls usually involve the Head of ImpSec saying things like, “I am very sorry to disturb you, Sire, but I felt you should know that Lord Auditor Vorkosigan and Commodore Galeni were attacked on their way back to Vorkosigan House. A similar attack occurred on Lord Dono, Lord Ivan Vorpatril, and Olivia Koudelka at Count Vorfolse’s. Both attacks failed and the assailants are being interrogated as we speak.”

“Are they all right?” Gregor asked. He knew that something was very wrong from Allegre’s expression and the way his Chief of ImpSec spoke of ‘Lord Auditor’ Vorkosigan and ‘Commodore’ Galeni implied that Miles appeared to be the cause of it. He wondered what Miles had done _now_ to blow up the most recent stirrings of respect the general felt towards him.

“For now,” Allegre said, in a dry voice that barely masked his irritation. “Although when I agreed there would be no professional repercussions resulting from their relationship, I had hoped that Lord Vorkosigan would avoid dragging my Section Chief into trouble.”

Gregor could tell that it would be necessary for him to have words with Miles about the treatment of officers who weren’t used to him yet. But in defense of his cousin, he mildly said, “Your Section Chief is perfectly capable of both getting himself into trouble and of saying no to Miles. He has demonstrated both abilities in the past.” After this obligatory defense Gregor asked, “What happened?”

Allegre was professional enough to keep his personal opinions out of his report, “At 2400 Lord Auditor Vorkosigan and Commodore Galeni finished a brief meal at Tout Dans. On their way to the Commodore’s vehicle, they were accosted by a group of five hired thugs. The Municipal Guard was on hand and Lord Auditor Vorkosigan insisted the thugs be taken to ImpSec HQ.”

Gregor was able to read between the lines as well as Allegre. The area around Tout Dans was given over to various scene clubs and bars. It might not be the equivalent of a Betan Orb, but it was a far cry from the old caravanserai. And it was even open to the public. Gregor knew neither Miles nor Duv participated in any of the communities around that restaurant, and Duv wasn’t fond of French food.

Meaning that the whole thing had been a set-up for something. He could understand Allegre’s frustration, but the Chief of ImpSec continued his report, “At approximately the same time, a second group of thugs attacked Lord Dono’s party as they left Count Vorfolse’s residence after a brief campaigning stop. This group was stunning, but were not anticipating Miss Koudelka or Lord Vorpatril. From what they were carrying, they appear to have been attempting to…reverse Lord Dono’s Betan surgery in the quickest way possible.”

Gregor internally winced at the idea, but asked Allegre, “Is there any indication the attacks were linked?”

“Beyond Lord Auditor Vorkosigan and Lord Dono’s Words?” Allegre replied. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, “After the initial administration of fast-penta, the leaders of both groups gave practically identical descriptions of the man who hired them. Also, the municipal guards were told where to go by Byerly Vorrutyer. Who has requested Imperial Witness status.”

“Miles hasn’t already given it to him?” That surprised Gregor.

“He said that any declaration of status needed to be cleared with you,” Allegre seemed to be just as surprised, for all that he’d had more time to adjust to the idea. “I’ve finished with both Lord Dono and Lord Auditor Vorkosigan and their associated personnel. Should I permit them to return to their residences?”

However fond Gregor was of Miles, at times like this he had to admit that locking Miles in the ImpSec witness apartments again had a certain appeal. Reason stayed Gregor’s initial impulse. He had to talk with Miles tomorrow…well, later that morning, and Miles would be even worse than usual if he’d been locked up overnight.

All he said to Allegre was, “All but Master Vorrutyer. Inform Lord Vorkosigan and Lord Dono that I wish to speak with them tomorrow. Before the Council meets.”

“It will be done.”

* * *

Miles arrived early the next morning, just after Allegre left for ImpSec HQ. Gregor looked at his cousin and foster-brother impassively as the smaller man took a seat. After allowing Miles to reach the fidgeting stage of anticipation (less than thirty seconds, Miles was nervous) Gregor simply stated, “Explain.”

With a sigh, Miles began, “Richars Vorrutyer visited me two weeks ago, originally to request my support as my father’s voting deputy. However, I inadvertently struck a vein of...justified paranoia…and he attacked me.”

“Why didn’t you report this incident?” Gregor asked.

“Because I wasn’t certain he would be convicted if I did,” Miles answered. “A great many people, including Counts, don’t think of me as a real Auditor. So I started pursuing various lines of enquiry while preparing for eventualities. Both courses of action led me to consult with Lord Dono and Master Byerly. Master Vorrutyer provided key information and we were able to turn Richars’s plans in our favor.”

As Gregor sat in silence, Miles began to lay out the plan. Both plans; theirs and Richars’s. In a galactic society, the plan would have disqualified the case for prosecution, much less conviction. However, from what Miles was saying (and not saying), Gregor could only be grateful that Richars had been caught and would certainly be convicted.

But the knowledge Miles was laying out was far too detailed to be discovered by the conspirators. Gregor asked, “How do you know this?”

“Richars’s man of business was obsessively meticulous with his records keeping, and he acted as factor in all of his lord’s illegal activities. He actually had ‘contact men for hire to assault Lord Vorkosigan and Commodore Galeni’ recorded in his calendar.”

That distracted Gregor, “Please tell me you aren’t serious.”

“I wish I could say I wasn’t. Between that and the fact he recorded all his meetings where Richars commanded illegal activities on his behalf, there’s no chance that Richars is going to wriggle out of this one.”

Miles paused, before tentatively saying, “There’s one more thing.”

“Yes Miles?” Gregor wasn’t certain he wanted to hear it, but it was clearly something Miles felt needed to be said.

“The Star Crèche finally agreed to leak hints about androgenesis to various interested parties. Including us. They aren’t willing to leak the entire development, but they’re willing to give us the abilities to figure it out on our own. And with that in mind, I formally request permission to ask Duv to marry me.”

Gregor considered the second part of Miles’s statement and put it aside for the moment. He wasn’t ready to deal with the practical results of the first part. He delicately asked, “Miles, how did you manage to get the Star Crèche to release anything in such a short time?”

Miles shrugged, “I reminded them that they owed me. And what do you mean, a short time? I’ve been working on this for a year.”

“Miles,” Gregor said, holding on to patience with his fingernails, “I am _still_ negotiating with the Cetagandans over the appropriate size of escorts for trade fleets in adjoining Nexial territories. Negotiations that began in the tenth year of the Regency.”

A thought struck Gregor, “Consider yourself added to the negotiating team. When combined with the Chairship of the Reproductive Rights Committee, you should be kept out of mischief.”

“Gregor,” Miles almost whined.

“No, Miles. If you’re going to prove your supreme competence, you should expect to be given these assignments,” Gregor said, making his tone sickeningly sweet.

Miles slumped, before saying, “So, permission to marry?”

Trust Miles to notice that Gregor had never answered that request. Trying to keep his tone neutral, Gregor answered, “You have my permission.”

“Thank you. But I was hoping for a little more substance,” Miles replied. “Especially when I can hear your teeth grinding. We’ve known each other for thirty years. I’d hope you would feel confident enough in my good opinion to say what you really think.”

Despite the permission, Gregor couldn’t enumerate his fear, anger, and frustration, especially when he was aware that Miles had experienced most (if not all) of the same reactions regarding Gregor’s marriage and that the arguments against would be hypocritical. Instead, he said, “I’m not exactly pleased with the immediate consequences but…I trust you to minimize them before you publically announce your union. And I prefer Duv to Elli Quinn, truth be told.”

Miles nodded. That was apparently as much approval as he had expected. But Gregor was surprised to feel that there was a great deal more to his opinion than that. He couldn’t leave things like this, especially when he _was_ happy for Miles.

He stood, crossing the room to lay a hand on Miles’s shoulder. He didn’t want to leave things like that, “And I’m happy for both of you. No matter how much I may wish to strangle you in the intervening period, this relationship has been the best possible thing for you, Miles. You’ve grown, both before and after. I look forward to seeing the changes that you bring about on the journey to your wedding circle, and to standing on it with you.”

“Thank you,” Miles whispered. His hand reached up to grip Gregor’s, and he said, “I’ll do my best to return your trust in full measure.”

“When do you intend to formally ask him?” Gregor asked, removing his hand and heading back towards his desk.

“About two years from now. And the wedding will be at least six months after that,” Miles said, briefly distracted.

“Will that be enough time?” Gregor asked. He had no idea how much data the Star Crèche had given them, but it seemed like a very short time frame.

Miles replied, “Actually yes. The hardest part’s going to be the social engineering, and since we already accept, if grudgingly, parthenogenesis and open displays of homosexual partnership…It’s not going to be easy by any means, but it’s not as though this is something sudden. Especially when there are a couple of other heirs and one Count who will jump at the opportunity. And the Count’s an Independent.”

Gregor could feel his eyebrows soaring. “Well, you appear to have everything in hand. Now, Lord Vorkosigan, I believe it’s time for you to brave the Council and convince them to accept Lord Dono. If you can convince them to accept _him_ , you can convince them of anything.”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s going to take much convincing after last night,” Miles said. “And we really need to find a suitable position for Ivan. He’s wasted right now.”

“I shall talk to you later about that,” Gregor answered.


End file.
